Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
