my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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