that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
