what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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