be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
