Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
