i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just cropdusted the office
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
