Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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