for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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