I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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