Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
