dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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