i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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