FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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