Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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