I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
