We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
