everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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