i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
