I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
