So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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