I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
