my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
