Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
