look no pants
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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