your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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