I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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