My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
smell my finger.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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