I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
