If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
