I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
