overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize