how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
