There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
