Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
