Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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