Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
