Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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