I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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