Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
