the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
