i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
