I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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