cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
