well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
