OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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