I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
