I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You can't special order awesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
