i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You are the jesus of drinking
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
