I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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