Whats the glycemic index on semen?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
