google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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