How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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