It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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