Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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