I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
