So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Randomize
