.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
