i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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