Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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