he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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