she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
