he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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