and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
