Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
