I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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