If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
