I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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