I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
