She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
